Simplistic Reviews Podcasts

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
 
Oh what a time to be alive! That's what we keep hearing. And yes, it's true, it is quite a time to be alive when you get to listen to another edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast. Because, boy, let me tell you what, this one is a real doozy!
 
DJ, Justin, and Matt cover it all with their monthly news roundup that runs the gamet of nonsense to non-sensical.
 
And if you thought we liked fighting last month, wait until you get a load of "Simplistic Switcharoo." This time around, these Simplistic Scamps yammer on about who in Hollywood would do the other jobs better. We know you guys and gals have all fantasized about who would do our job better. Right? I mean imagine Betty White, Paula Deen, and Pat Sajak doing what we're doing...just imagine it...and imagine us on the "Golden Girl," cooking a fatty Southern racist meal, and giving the eyes to Vanna White...IMAGINE IT!
 
That, and we say hello to our PornHub resident scientist; PornHub Snooty Scientist, in what MAY be our last podcast ever....spoiler alert....it's not. Oh, and a conversation on Air Bud: Ninja Dog. May is go fetch....get it....we'll see ourselves out...
 
NOTES
Tom Hardy as Venom
Air Bud Rocks
Top Gun 2
Armond White Loves Baywatch
 
 
MUSIC
The Hell Raisers by Syd Dale
Cocaine Model By ZHU
 
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Deadly Prey
1987 ‧ Drama/Action ‧ 1h 28m
 
  In Vietnam, he was the best... He still is!
You've requested it, We watched it!
Deadly Prey is a fun film no doubt about that, might not be great film but boy is this a stupid fun time of a watch. So put on those short shorts and do some killing!
 
 Colonel Hogan is a ruthless former military officer who trains a large group of former U.S. Servicemen as mercenaries by having them hunt down and kill people they abduct off the streets of Los Angeles. Hogan's greedy financier Michaelson threatens Hogan to speed up the men's training or he will pull the plug on Hogan's training camp. However, Hogan and his men meet their match when their latest kidnap victim turns out to be a tough gung-ho marine named Mike Danton who despite being unarmed and hunted, he manages to decimate Hogan's men in detail. Frustrated Hogan, his tough right-hand man Thornton and personal assistant Sybil kidnap Danton's wife Jaimy to force him in the open, while Jaimy's retired police detective father tries to track down her and Danton who finds an unlikely ally in the form of a former marine buddy named Cooper who wants to help him take on all of Hogan's men. (IMDB) 
 
Simply Drinking: Take a drink of your favorite alcoholic beverage every time someone sneaks up on another person.
 
 

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
 
 April Fools...this isn't really a podcast post....... so here's a picture of a Ryan Gosling eating cereal.
 
 
 
.....just kidding....maybe...but i mean just look at that sexy guy eating that cereal.
This month we make our grand return with all sorts of goodies. The fellas belly up to the bar to talk the news and their life failures in "What's On Tap."
We're also in the fighting mood this month and the only way to settle that is another round of "Simplistic Fisticuffs."
All this, mail order bride talk, trying to remember what the Street Sharks ever did for us, cross-dressing, and all shorts of April shenanigans on The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
 
NOTES
Street Sharks
The Edge
Batgirl
MUSIC
Cocaine Model By ZHU
The Hellraisers By Syd DaleTears In The Rain By Vangelis
Blade Runner End Titles By Vangelis

 
It's been a long time, we shouldn't have left you, without a podcast to step to....step to, step to...you get it; it's like that Aaliyah song.
 
We gave you a movie commentary to quench that junkie's thirst for our imminent return, but nothing can prepare you for this month's podcast that is sure to give you heart palpitations.
 
From the sultry tones of Al Pacino as he talks nipple clamps and spankings...to us wagering our souls, dignity and enthusiasm on 2017 films...and of course we have a game for you, because we love you so very much.
 
We return with "Hey Fuckhead," where we tear apart those in Hollywood that really piss...us...off, here's a hint; he's a world leader who probably has a tiny wiener...take that as you may.
 
Just in time for Valentine's Day, the newest Simplistic Reviews podcast. Body harnesses and ball gags not included.
 
NOTESWorld War Z
Jimmy Fallon & Alec Baldwin
Green Lantern ShortlistMUSIC
Cocaine Model By ZHU
By The Croft By Joakim Karud
What Time Is It By General Crook

1989 | Action | 92 min 
Ready for a trip to Savage Beach?
Come and enjoy beautiful our water
Wine and dine with at the island's number 1 restaurant. 
And come see the last of what the 80's have to offer in Andy Sidaris'...
 
Savage Beach 
TRAILER
 
Ladies and Gentlemen WE ARE BACK!
THE WOMEN!
THE GUNS!
THE OVER THE TOP CRAZIEST ACTION SCENES!
 
Ah... 2017 is going to be a good year! All new 90's Andy Sidaris' Films to watch. Honestly what more could you want!?
Shit...I just remembered...the 90's sucked and the world is in turmoil. Oh well let's enjoy what we have left then.
Drug agents Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) crash-land on a remote island, rumored to have a gold treasure. Treasure isn't the only thing on this island, war-gold seekers searching for their gold will do anything for riches.
 
 
 
 
Initial release: 1989 Director: Andy Sidaris Screenplay: Andy Sidaris Music composed by: Gary Stockdale
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

This is it guys and girls, the end of an era! The piece of shit known as 2016 is dead. 2016 was nothing but a douche to us all. Think about it, all horrible and horrific stuff. Don't believe me? Fine. Let me ask you, name one thing that was good about 2016?
Still waiting...
Anything?
Yeah we feel you. So to end the year and ring in a new one we have a Mini End of the Year Wrap Up Show! A podcast that wraps up the shitty year of movies into a bite size appetizer to welcome in 2017!
Thank you everyone who has listened this year. We appreciate your support and we have a lot planned for 2017.
 
"I know it was you, 2016. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."
 

Merry Christmas! From Simplistic Reviews
Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2
1987 ‧ R‧ Drama/Slasher ‧ 1h 28min
 
Trailer 
 
The sequel picks up on Christmas Eve some years after the first movie, with Ricky Caldwell, the 18-year-old brother of the first film's killer, now being held in a mental hospital, awaiting trial for a series of murders that he committed. While being interviewed by the psychiatrist Dr. Henry Bloom, Ricky tells the story of the murders his brother Billy committed throughout a series of several flashbacks using footage from the original film. These flashbacks have new shots to make Ricky appear in more of Billy's original story.
 
To say Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is a good movie is an understatement. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is the greatest movie ever! Come on this is a fun movie to watch. You really have to give it to the team for making a 1hr 30min movie off a 30 page script. Yes I'm somewhat joking, but let's be honest this movie is freaking fun to watch. Every year people watch A Christmas Story or Christmas Vacation for Christmas but I watch Silent Night, Deadly Night 1 and 2. A Christmas Slasher is always a good time.
 
So this Christmas grab that eggnog and a bowl of that chocolate covered popcorn. Sit down next to that warm fire and lets watch Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Suicide Squad - Extended Cut
2 hours, 14 minutes
 
Seriously? Yes I don't know why but we did another WB extended-we-don't-give-you-the-full-movie-the-first-time-cut.
What to say about a poorly made film. I mean a 8 year old with iMovie could do a better editing job.
And I feel bad for bringing the 8 year old this luckluster piece of crap.
DJ says it the best. "This is the biggest disappointment of the year".
 
So we know you really do not want to watch this film again but hell we gave it a try. So this Sunday Funday Movie Night lets give it a GO!
 
All Board the WB shitliner one more time!
This time the
S. S. We fooled you again...HAHAHA (Shitty Joker laugh)
 
Don't worry, this time we have Ted Lange as Your Bartender!  
 
 Suicide Squad
It feels good to be bad...Assemble a team of the world's most dangerous, incarcerated Super Villains, provide them with the most powerful arsenal at the government's disposal, and send them off on a mission to defeat an enigmatic, insuperable entity. U.S. intelligence officer Amanda Waller has determined only a secretly convened group of disparate, despicable individuals with next to nothing to lose will do. However, once they realize they weren't picked to succeed but chosen for their patent culpability when they inevitably fail, will the Suicide Squad resolve to die trying, or decide it's every man for himself?A secret government agency, led by the ruthless, high-ranking official Amanda Waller, recruits some of the most dangerous, incarcerated villains on the planet to execute dangerous black ops missions and save the world from a potentially apocalyptic threat from a mysterious, supernatural entity. If anything goes wrong on this mission, the government will not be liable but rather can place the blame on the villains, who are inherently evil people. A small bomb is implanted in each member of the squad's neck with the capability of detonating any time one of the members tries to rebel or escape. It will be up to this assembled team of villains to prevail over the seemingly impossible events that will unfold before them, in what many deem to be a "suicide mission".

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
 
On this Thanksgiving episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk about turkey and Donald Trump...A Minecraft movie and Donald Trump...Shelley Duvall and Donald Trump and who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman...oh an also why tackle our new Presidential overlord Donald J. Drumpf...all that and more on a turkey day episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  And that wasn't a typo, by the way.  Donald Trump's real name is Drumpf...these are facts.
 
NOTES
Al Bundy Fights
Wolfman's Got Nards
All Your Base Are Belong To Us
Chickens Have Come Home To Roost
 
MUSIC
Hail To The Chief
The Incredible Hulk Theme By Daniel Caine Orchestra
Beast Atoms By L-Beazt
Sharp Minds By L-Beazt
Cocaine Model By ZHU
By The Croft By Joakim Karud
 
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FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
On this spooktacular Halloween episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss everything that goes bump in the night...from Deadpool director woes to a Captain Planet film from Leo. Matthew solves the mystery that is the Madea films. And the boys try to guess each other's Halloween costumes in a segment we're calling What Are You Supposed To Be. All that and more on this pumpkin spice latte version of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
NOTES
Madea film
Westworld
John Phillips
Pitch
Captain Planet by Leo
MUSIC
Halloween Theme by John Carpenter
It's The Great Pumpkin Waltz by Vince Guaraldi
Who Can It Be Now by Men At Work 
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