Simplistic Reviews Podcasts

Undefeatable
R
 1994 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 35m 4.1/10 · IMDb
The boys of Simplistic Reviews are back! Let's be honest you never believed Ep. 100 was our last... did you? No we can't stop with all these crappy movies out there. Plus the current world we live in needs some terrible grotesque jokes. So sit back, turn off the lights and enjoy some undefeatable puns...no...they suck...its pretty sad.Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock) who, along with her gang, take part in Mafia-run street fights to earn money for her sister's college education. Kristi's sister hopes to become a doctor and pay for Kristi's education.Meanwhile, an underground fighter by the name of "Stingray" (Don Niam) is left by his scared wife, Anna, after raping her, and vows to find her. Stingray has suffered from abandonment issues since early childhood and this new trauma triggers a psychotic break from reality. He begins to kidnap women who resemble his ex-wife, and subsequently tortures them and gouges their eyes out before returning their bodies to the crime scene. Kristi's sister becomes one of the victims, so Kristi tracks down Stingray with the help of police officer Nick DiMarco (John Miller), who might just be falling for her, alongside her sister's psychiatry tutor Jennifer (Donna Jason) and Nick's partner Mike (Gerald Klein).They eventually track down Stingray, who has kidnapped Jennifer, and fight in a warehouse where he escapes after shooting and killing Mike. Jennifer's injuries, though relatively minor, require that she be admitted to the hospital where she is again kidnapped by Stingray who is impersonating a doctor. Kristi and Nick chase him to a storage area where the three do battle, mostly through hand-to-hand combat. Stingray is bested by the pair, having both eyes gouged out in the process. He's then suspended by the eye-sockets with a meat hook, killing him.The final scene shows with Kristi and her friends visiting her late sister's resting place to inform her that Stingray has finally been defeated. It is revealed that Kristi has somehow enrolled her former gang in college to give them a chance at a better life, and that Kristi has also been enrolled in college by Nick. The film ends with the group engaging in an impassioned four way high-five.

  It’s here!
 
  No, not your tax return… No, not another government shutdown… No, not an actual picture of Venom… It’s the 100th episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast!  We got a guest list so prestigious and respected, it should run for president…please…someone…anyone…run for president.  So if you’re going on a short drive on a long road or a long walk off a short pier, stick this in your ear holes and enjoy the bad comedy styling of Matthew Stewart, DJ Valentine, and Justin Polizzi for the 100th time…and then…for the love of God…run for president.
 
MUSIC
Triumph March By Verdi
Neon Love By Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison & Tim Reilly
Dark City Beats By John 00 Fleming
Utopia In Peril By Chillout
Plain Jane By Sid Phillips

Killer Workout 1987 ‧ 1h 25m
Killer Workout, also known under the original title Aerobicide, is a 1986 American slasher film written and directed by David A. Prior. It stars Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews, Ted Prior, and Teresa Van der Woude. Wikipedia
Director: David A. Prior
Screenplay: David A. Prior
Music composed by: Todd Hayen
Producers: David Winters, Marc Winters, Peter Yuval
 
Its here! You or someone requested it (Request a Movie)
 
Killer Workout
 
Did you plan to lose weight this year?
Well do we have an amazing offer you wouldn’t believe!
For one low prices of watch or listening to this Movie Commentary, you will lose weight in no time. Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary comes doctor recommended by the top in the business. Loss weight just by sitting! No more getting up and moving those arms. No more watching what you eat. With Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary anyone can lose weight fast just by sitting on your ass.
Just listen to this interview we did with two of our happy customers.
Anonymous 1 says - “It’s the best. I can sit all day eating KFC and McD with not worrying about my weight. Everyone says Donald you’re amazing. You look amazing and you’re the best in the world at everything. Do you work out? No I don’t because look at me. I’m amazing. People say and look I know people. People say I’m the best looking they have ever seen. And listen there has been like a few million, maybe a few billion, no one really knows for sure. Scientist have been looking for at least some time now and they don’t know. The Earth is only a couple hundred years old and when people say I’m the best looking that really means something. It true Hilary has to work out. I don’t because look at me. It’s a fact. People tell me these things. This is anonymous right? Okay then my friend here does it too. But I’m the best that’s what my daddy says!”
Us - Wow amazing isn’t it? How does your friend like it?
Anonymous 2 says - “Это лучшее, что говорит г-н Т. Россия никогда не разговаривала с президентом. Я хочу сделать этот факт, как вы говорите. Мы никогда не были в одной комнате вместе, как мы могли бы проводить выборы. Россия ничего не знает о оснащении. Мы считаем, что американская политика ошибается и составляет это. Россия любит, мы любим только. Мы знаем, что Америка нашла много фотографий и доказательств, связывающих Россию с президентом, но все эти фальшивые новости, которые вы знаете? Так что мы едим в том же KFC. Это преступление в вашей стране? Все поддельные новости. Ладно, мне нужно идти. Ты готов Дональд?
Anonymous 1 - “Yes Daddy” 
Us – Wait…What…Okay well thanks for telling us how this amazing product known as the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary works for you. Now since we know you will fall in love here is a sample.

Killer Workout 1987 ‧ 1h 25m
Killer Workout, also known under the original title Aerobicide, is a 1986 American slasher film written and directed by David A. Prior. It stars Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews, Ted Prior, and Teresa Van der Woude. Wikipedia
Director: David A. Prior
Screenplay: David A. Prior
Music composed by: Todd Hayen
Producers: David Winters, Marc Winters, Peter Yuval
 
Its here! You or someone requested it (Request a Movie)
 
Killer Workout
 
Did you plan to lose weight this year?
Well do we have an amazing offer you wouldn’t believe!
For one low prices of watch or listening to this Movie Commentary, you will lose weight in no time. Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary comes doctor recommended by the top in the business. Loss weight just by sitting! No more getting up and moving those arms. No more watching what you eat. With Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary anyone can lose weight fast just by sitting on your ass.
Just listen to this interview we did with two of our happy customers.
Anonymous 1 says - “It’s the best. I can sit all day eating KFC and McD with not worrying about my weight. Everyone says Donald you’re amazing. You look amazing and you’re the best in the world at everything. Do you work out? No I don’t because look at me. I’m amazing. People say and look I know people. People say I’m the best looking they have ever seen. And listen there has been like a few million, maybe a few billion, no one really knows for sure. Scientist have been looking for at least some time now and they don’t know. The Earth is only a couple hundred years old and when people say I’m the best looking that really means something. It true Hilary has to work out. I don’t because look at me. It’s a fact. People tell me these things. This is anonymous right? Okay then my friend here does it too. But I’m the best that’s what my daddy says!”
Us - Wow amazing isn’t it? How does your friend like it?
Anonymous 2 says - “Это лучшее, что говорит г-н Т. Россия никогда не разговаривала с президентом. Я хочу сделать этот факт, как вы говорите. Мы никогда не были в одной комнате вместе, как мы могли бы проводить выборы. Россия ничего не знает о оснащении. Мы считаем, что американская политика ошибается и составляет это. Россия любит, мы любим только. Мы знаем, что Америка нашла много фотографий и доказательств, связывающих Россию с президентом, но все эти фальшивые новости, которые вы знаете? Так что мы едим в том же KFC. Это преступление в вашей стране? Все поддельные новости. Ладно, мне нужно идти. Ты готов Дональд?
Anonymous 1 - “Yes Daddy” 
Us – Wait…What…Okay well thanks for telling us how this amazing product known as the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary works for you. Now since we know you will fall in love here is a sample.

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
The boys at Simplistic Reviews are back for a brand new year of hijinks, hilarity, intrigue, and murder...well maybe not that last one.  On the January edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the gang not only tries to unravel the mystery of January Jones' secret baby daddy, they also discuss Star Wars, Star Trek, The Crown, The Wire, and the 1991 Macaulay Culkin animated series Wish Kid...yeah...we're still a pretty weird show.  The boys also reveal some secrets they're not too proud of in the segment Simply Ashamed.  All that, an office search, a porno movie experience and more on a brand new edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast
 
NOTES
X-Factor
Wish Kid
January Jones Kid Mystery
The Wire's Best Scene
Billy Joel Accident
 
MUSIC
Sexy By Ben Sound
Ying And Yang By John 00 Fleming
The Croft By Joakim Karud
 
Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Letterboxd, and Pinterest

Fit to Kill
R
 1993 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 34m
 L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents Donna and Nicole, accompany and protect a wealthy Asian businessman and his rare diamond against a sinister international jewel thief.Release: 1993 Director: Andy SidarisScreenplay: Andy SidarisThere isn't anything to say about this film except it is amazing! Please...Stop whatever your doing and watch this film now!Honestly this is one of the best we have ever watched on the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary. It's been awhile and we are glad to come back to the films by Andy Sidaris. What more could you ask for...
Girls!
Guns!
and 
G-Strings!
I mean clearly it has everything. And to top it off the movie has one hell of a Bond undertone. Just wait till that we get there. We once again tip our hat to you Mr. Sidaris... Thank you! 
 
P.S. Be on the lookout for a young Kenny Powers
 
 
 

Fit to Kill
R
 1993 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 34m
 L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents Donna and Nicole, accompany and protect a wealthy Asian businessman and his rare diamond against a sinister international jewel thief.Release: 1993 Director: Andy SidarisScreenplay: Andy SidarisThere isn't anything to say about this film except it is amazing! Please...Stop whatever your doing and watch this film now!Honestly this is one of the best we have ever watched on the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary. It's been awhile and we are glad to come back to the films by Andy Sidaris. What more could you ask for...
Girls!
Guns!
and 
G-Strings!
I mean clearly it has everything. And to top it off the movie has one hell of a Bond undertone. Just wait till that we get there. We once again tip our hat to you Mr. Sidaris... Thank you! 
 
P.S. Be on the lookout for a young Kenny Powers
 
 
 

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman
R
 2000 ‧ Slasher/Fantasy ‧ 1h 31m
_____________________________________________________________________________
 
Sam (Christopher Allport) is traumatized by his experience the previous Christmas, battling Jack Frost (Matt Falletta), a murderous snowman possessed by a serial killer. His wife, Anne (Eileen Seeley), thinks a trip to the tropics will get his mind off the snow, so they pack their bags and head to a resort on an island in the Pacific. Meanwhile, the FBI accidentally resurrects Jack's remains during an experiment. Jack heads to the island, covers it in snow and embarks on another rampage.
Initial release: November 21, 2000
Director: Michael Cooney
Film series: Jack Frost Film Series
Music composed by: Chris Anderson
Screenplay: Michael Cooney
 
Well to finish off our Holiday Movie Commentaries we decided to dive into Jack Frost 2. There is much to say but watch the first Jack Frost and stop. Jack Frost 2 is not a good bad movie but a bad movie. They forgot the good this time around. So stay warm by that fire place and remember not to eat the yellow snow!
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Christmas
Happy Festivus
Happy New Year
and from us all at Simplistic Reviews thank you for listening and reading! We have big things planned this year we think you will enjoy!
See you next year...
 
 
 

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman
R
 2000 ‧ Slasher/Fantasy ‧ 1h 31m
_____________________________________________________________________________
 
Sam (Christopher Allport) is traumatized by his experience the previous Christmas, battling Jack Frost (Matt Falletta), a murderous snowman possessed by a serial killer. His wife, Anne (Eileen Seeley), thinks a trip to the tropics will get his mind off the snow, so they pack their bags and head to a resort on an island in the Pacific. Meanwhile, the FBI accidentally resurrects Jack's remains during an experiment. Jack heads to the island, covers it in snow and embarks on another rampage.
Initial release: November 21, 2000
Director: Michael Cooney
Film series: Jack Frost Film Series
Music composed by: Chris Anderson
Screenplay: Michael Cooney
 
Well to finish off our Holiday Movie Commentaries we decided to dive into Jack Frost 2. There is much to say but watch the first Jack Frost and stop. Jack Frost 2 is not a good bad movie but a bad movie. They forgot the good this time around. So stay warm by that fire place and remember not to eat the yellow snow!
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Christmas
Happy Festivus
Happy New Year
and from us all at Simplistic Reviews thank you for listening and reading! We have big things planned this year we think you will enjoy!
See you next year...
 
 
 

Elves
1989 ‧ Drama/Horror ‧ 1h 29m
____________________________________________________________________________
A department-store Santa Claus (Dan Haggerty) discovers a Neo-Nazi plot to mate a nice girl (Julie Austin) with an elf in Colorado.
Release date:  October 24, 1989
Director: Jeffrey Mandel
Screenplay: Jeffrey Mandel
Music composed by: Vladimir Horunzhy
Production company: Action International Pictures
 
That time of the year is back when the gang sits around and watches nothing but terrible holiday themed movies.
Today is not only our first appearance of Dan Haggerty here at Simplistic Reviews but also a ending for a movie that flabbergasted DJ. I suppose this would already be enough for a Movie Commentary but nope...that's not all. We also have a homeless department store Santa investigating a modern-day Neo-Nazi plot to finally bring about the master race that Hitler had always dreamed of.
Instead of a race of pure-blood Aryans, it is revealed that Hitler dreamed of a race of half-human/half-elf hybrids.
Yep... what a movie everyone. So grab that egg nog and sit back, things are about to get weird.
Merry Christmas!
P.S. Enjoy the Elves because next week is a cold one set on a tropical island. Try not to question it.